The In-Love Experience

The In-Love Experience

The short excerpt is from Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love languages, and the Scripture is 1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Janice showed up to my office unannounced.  How are you today, Janice?"  I asked.

"Great!"  she said.  "I've never been better in my life.  I'm getting married!"

"You are?"  I said, revealing my shock.  "To whom and when?"

"To David Gallespie," she exclaimed, "in September."

"That's exciting.  How long have you been dating?"

"Three weeks.  I know it's crazy, Dr. Chapman.  I can't believe it myself, but I know that David is the one for me."

What has happened to Janice?  She has fallen in love.  In her mind, David is the most wonderful man she has ever met.  He is perfect in every way.  He will make the ideal husband.  She thinks about him day and night.  The facts that David has been married twice before, has three children, and has had three jobs in the past year are trivial to Janice.  She's happy, and she is convinced that she is going to be happy forever with David.  She is in love.

The person who is "in love" has the illusion that his beloved is perfect.  His mother can see the flaws but he can't.  His mother says, "Darling, have you considered she has been under psychiatric care for five years?"  But he replies, "Oh Mother, give me a break.  She's been out for three months now."  His friends also can see the flaws but are not likely to tell him unless he asks, and chances are he won't because in his mind she is perfect and what others think doesn't matter.

Dr. Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist, has done long-range studies on the in-love phenomenon.  After studying scores of couples she has concluded that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years.  If it is a secretive love affair, it may last a little longer.  Eventually, however, we all descend from the clouds and plant our feet on earth again.  Our eyes are opened, and we see the warts of the other person.  We recognize that some of his/her personality traits are actually irritating.   Those little traits that we overlooked when we were in love now become huge mountains.  We remember Mother's words and ask ourselves, How could I have been so foolish?

We can recognize the in-love experience for what it was-a temporary emotional high-and now pursue "real love."  That kind of love involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it requires the need for personal growth.   It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction of having genuinely loved another.  In fact, true love cannot begin until the "in love" experience has run its course.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Everyone Is Welcome!

Everyone Is Welcome!

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is John 14:6.  Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."  

Jesus is the Savior of the world.  He came into the world, and He made a very exclusive claim.  He said, I am the way and the truth and the life.  Nobody gets to the Father except by me.  I know that is narrow, and it's not politically correct.  It is the way that it is, and that's who I am.

"Andy, that's the part that bothers me so much.  That's just so narrow, and it's just not fair."

It may not be fair or politically correct.  It's just true.  Don't make the mistake of determining what's true by what's fair.  A lot of things are true that may not appear to be fair.  A quick illustration is paying taxes.  Imagine writing the IRS a letter. Dear Sir, I don't think the tax code as it is currently written is fair. Therefore, I do not think that it is true that I owe you this money.  What's true and fair may not line up. 

The question is this.  Is it true?   If it's true, it's up to you and me to take it seriously and to place our faith in the only one who has ever come into this world who claimed to be the Savior of mankind.

I'll tell you a little secret.  I think that it's fair.  What can be fairer than this? Everybody is welcome, every nation, tribe and tongue is welcome.  Americans aren't more special than others.  Everybody gets in the same way by faith, and the price for admission has already been paid.  What could be fairer than that?

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Becoming the Right Person

Becoming the Right Person

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

One woman shared the following with Andy Stanley.  She grew up in a moderately religious home and was kind of taught all of the right things.  After college she moved to Atlanta and just kind of immersed herself into dating the way the culture says to date.  She said, "It's not that I quit believing or had some kind of theological epiphany that Jesus isn't the Son of God or that the Bible isn't true.  I just decided that didn't matter at this stage of my life.  I'm just going to live the life and just get out there and date like crazy and hopefully find that right guy.  I was in pretty deep in that whole scene. 

One evening I was with a group of people, and there was a guy in the group that I had never met before.  We started talking, and he was the total package-looks, job, car, and personality.  He was also a Christian and was living out his Christian faith in the market place and in his relationships.  He had standards, and there were things he wouldn't do.  It just brought back things in my own past that I really used to believe and practice.  I said that all of that doesn't really work in this culture and in this stage of my life, yet here's this guy that is the whole package living out these values.

A day or so later I was at home and I was talking to my mom and I was going on and on about this guy, and my mom turned to me and said, 'Honey, the problem is that a guy like that is not looking for a girl like you.'  When my mom said that I just fell to the floor in a puddle of tears because I knew that she was exactly right.  That was the defining moment for me when I decided to do what all along I knew in my heart I needed to do.  That's when I decided that no matter how long it took, I was going to become the woman that a guy like that was looking for.   It was a total game changer for me."

Are you who the person that you are looking for is looking for?   The key to a great relationship isn't finding the right person.  It is becoming the right person.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining 

Connection or Distance

Connection or Distance

 Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is thought provoking and is by Danny Silk from Redding, CA.  The Scripture is Matthew 19:4-6 Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

The number one issue that leads to divorce is that I have changed my goal from connection to distance.  As soon as I do that in any relationship there's really nothing that you can do right.  When my goal is distance from you all that you can do is feed my justification for keeping distance from you.  So I misinterpret you, I judge you, and I assign motives to you that are not true so that I can protect my distance from you.  That's why it is so important that we learn to take responsibility for our goal in relationship.

If my goal is connection, then I need different skills to interact with you and to create and protect a connection.  When my goal is distance then I have different skills because all of my skills help me create the distance that I need to keep myself from you.  Am I managing my goal of connection with you, or have I changed my goal to distance?  That is the number one killer of relationships.

No one falls out of love.  You just change your goals.  You didn't fall out of love and you didn't fall in love.  You choose love, and you choose your goal.  Love is not a big hole in the street that you fall in.  You might have been very attracted to someone and that felt fantastic, but you chose love. When you committed your life to somebody, maybe you didn't understand what you were doing, but that was a decision that you made.  You decided to eliminate all of your other options and put your focus on this one person. That's a decision.  If you didn't make that decision, that's a bummer for you and the person that you married because you didn't understand covenant.  

You choose love.  You don't fall into it.  You don't fall out of it, you choose out of it.  This makes you very responsible for what you do in a loving relationship.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

P.S.  You have to ask the question why one would distance him or herself.  It is a protective mechanism within each of us.  It is possible that some people have a valid reason to distance themselves.

The Number 1 Regret

Number 1 Regret

 

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is James 4:14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

The number one most common regret by people in the last days of their lives shared to Hospice nurse Branny Ware of Australia is that I wish that I had the courage to live a life true to myself and not a life other people and culture expected of me.  Most people had not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made or not had. 

Our days are numbered, but we live as though we are going to live forever here on Earth. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it.  

Our time is limited, so we need to limit how we spend our time.  Our time is our life! 

Father, Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Our Time is Limited

Our Time is Limited

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley and the Scripture is Psalm 90:12 Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Branny Ware is an Australian nurse, and she spends most of her time in Hospice with people that are in their last days of their life.  She asked these patients of hers if they had any regrets.  She began to hear a pattern, so she wrote them down.  The second most common regret is that "I had worked too hard."  Every single man at the end of his life said this.  They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship.  Women also spoke of this regret, but many of them were from an older generation and had not been bread winners.  This means that if we don't learn to number our days that we will misspend our time and life and we will have a regrettable and avoidable regret.  When you think that you have all the time in the world and then you suddenly realize that you don't have all of the time in the world, you can't go back.  These are men and women that are numbering their days because they cannot avoid any longer that their days are numbered.

So what are you going to do with this wisdom you now have that comes with living as if your days are numbered?  What are you going to do with that when you look at your current schedule, pace and limits?

"But Andy, if I don't do as much as I can I will never make it."

What is "it"?  You better make sure that you have chosen the right "it" because you could spend your whole life trying to make "it" and get to the end and realize that it was the wrong "it".

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Mom

Mom

Dear Champions, 

On Friday night, July 5^th, I went to visit my mom in the nursing home.  I had gotten several texts that day saying that she was doing much better, so I was excited to see her.  When I got there I held her hand, and we talked.  Among other things, I told her how much that I loved her, and I told her what an amazing mother that she was.   I told her that her grandson and granddaughter, Sam and Rachel, had won the counselor dance competition at Camp Greystone the night before.  She responded that she already knew that because their mother, Pam, had already told her.  I noticed that she was having a hard time talking because her breathing was strained, so I told her that she could just listen and I would do the talking.

I reminded her as I had done a lot recently that the only way to get to heaven was through Jesus.  I shared Scripture verses.  John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."  1 John 5:11-12 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life."   Acts 4:12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved."  I reminded her that even though she was an amazing mom, that when she died, that the only way to get in heaven was by totally trusting in Jesus.  

I brought my ipad so I played a handful of my favorite Christian songs.  How Beautiful by Twila Paris, I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me, Hold Me Jesus by Rich Mullins, God of Wonders by Mac Powell & Daneille Young, Above All by Michael W. Smith, Breathe also by Michael W. Smith, In Christ Alone by Brian Littrell, Testify to Love by Avalon, Untitle Hymn (Come to Jesus) by Chris Rice, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing by Chris Rice.

Finally, I prayed with her.  In my prayer I asked God to give her more of His Holy Spirit (Luke 11:13), and I heard Mom whisper back, "more of your Holy Spirit."  I asked God to heal her body among many other things, and then it was finally time to close and say goodbye.  I kissed her on the forehead and told her that I loved her and would be back the next night.  She said that she loved me too

The next day around noon I received a message to call my wife, Beth.  She told me that my mom had just passed away.  I had no expectation that she would tell me that.  I guess that I'm never ready to say good-bye to someone that I love so deeply. 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining