Connection or Distance
Dear Champions,
The short excerpt is thought provoking and is by Danny Silk from Redding, CA. The Scripture is Matthew 19:4-6 Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
The number one issue that leads to divorce is that I have changed my goal from connection to distance. As soon as I do that in any relationship there's really nothing that you can do right. When my goal is distance from you all that you can do is feed my justification for keeping distance from you. So I misinterpret you, I judge you, and I assign motives to you that are not true so that I can protect my distance from you. That's why it is so important that we learn to take responsibility for our goal in relationship.
If my goal is connection, then I need different skills to interact with you and to create and protect a connection. When my goal is distance then I have different skills because all of my skills help me create the distance that I need to keep myself from you. Am I managing my goal of connection with you, or have I changed my goal to distance? That is the number one killer of relationships.
No one falls out of love. You just change your goals. You didn't fall out of love and you didn't fall in love. You choose love, and you choose your goal. Love is not a big hole in the street that you fall in. You might have been very attracted to someone and that felt fantastic, but you chose love. When you committed your life to somebody, maybe you didn't understand what you were doing, but that was a decision that you made. You decided to eliminate all of your other options and put your focus on this one person. That's a decision. If you didn't make that decision, that's a bummer for you and the person that you married because you didn't understand covenant.
You choose love. You don't fall into it. You don't fall out of it, you choose out of it. This makes you very responsible for what you do in a loving relationship.
Champions, have a great week!-David Vining
P.S. You have to ask the question why one would distance him or herself. It is a protective mechanism within each of us. It is possible that some people have a valid reason to distance themselves.
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