The In-Love Experience
The short excerpt is from Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love languages, and the Scripture is 1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
Janice showed up to my office unannounced. How are you today, Janice?" I asked.
"Great!" she said. "I've never been better in my life. I'm getting married!"
"You are?" I said, revealing my shock. "To whom and when?"
"To David Gallespie," she exclaimed, "in September."
"That's exciting. How long have you been dating?"
"Three weeks. I know it's crazy, Dr. Chapman. I can't believe it myself, but I know that David is the one for me."
What has happened to Janice? She has fallen in love. In her mind, David is the most wonderful man she has ever met. He is perfect in every way. He will make the ideal husband. She thinks about him day and night. The facts that David has been married twice before, has three children, and has had three jobs in the past year are trivial to Janice. She's happy, and she is convinced that she is going to be happy forever with David. She is in love.
The person who is "in love" has the illusion that his beloved is perfect. His mother can see the flaws but he can't. His mother says, "Darling, have you considered she has been under psychiatric care for five years?" But he replies, "Oh Mother, give me a break. She's been out for three months now." His friends also can see the flaws but are not likely to tell him unless he asks, and chances are he won't because in his mind she is perfect and what others think doesn't matter.
Dr. Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist, has done long-range studies on the in-love phenomenon. After studying scores of couples she has concluded that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years. If it is a secretive love affair, it may last a little longer. Eventually, however, we all descend from the clouds and plant our feet on earth again. Our eyes are opened, and we see the warts of the other person. We recognize that some of his/her personality traits are actually irritating. Those little traits that we overlooked when we were in love now become huge mountains. We remember Mother's words and ask ourselves, How could I have been so foolish?
We can recognize the in-love experience for what it was-a temporary emotional high-and now pursue "real love." That kind of love involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it requires the need for personal growth. It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction of having genuinely loved another. In fact, true love cannot begin until the "in love" experience has run its course.
Champions, have a great week!-David Vining
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