Guardrails for Friendships Part 2
Dear Champions,
The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the scripture is once again Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
Guardrails are a standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience to keep you from danger and from making poor decisions.
Guardrail #1 - It dawns on you that your core group isn't moving in the direction you want your life to be moving. This should concern you to the point that you recognize it and do something about it. Step back and honestly evaluate where you are going and where the lives of your core friends are going. When you realize this, actively seek out and invest in an additional or new group of people. Look for a better place to start putting down roots.
Guardrail #2 – You catch yourself pretending to be someone other than who you really are. You may also hear the following within your conscience: "I'm not myself" or "I don't feel comfortable." Pull back from these relationships. Some of us have been directly warned about this but do not notice the sirens and flashing lights. You may have heard a variation of the following phrase: " When you are around these people you are not yourself. You act differently." This should cause you great concern. Sometimes we get defensive, but most of the time our significant others are right.
Guardrail #3 - You feel pressure to compromise. When you are with these people, you probably ignore certain values or try to rationalize with yourself. True and good friends will point you to what is right, good, and righteous. In these situations, what has never been a temptation before suddenly becomes a live and real option. You begin considering behaviors you have always thought of as off-limits. This should concern you, and your flags should start going up.
Guardrail #4 – You hear yourself saying, "I'll go, but I won't participate." If you are considering being in the proximity of [fill in the blank], but tell yourself you will not participate or engage, then 99.9% of the time, you have no business going! We should flee from sin and immorality, not see how close we can get. This should be a warning and wake-up call that you notice! In these situations, you are just too close. You never know when things could get out of hand. You could do something you regret or be guilty by association.
Guardrail #5 – You hope the people you care about most don't find out who you were with or where you have been. Something inside you tenses up when you think about the people you care about most knowing where you were, what you were doing, or who you were doing it with. To some extent, you feel you may have to defend yourself. In these situations, your mind is working in overdrive conjuring an excuse, explanation or rationalization to have readily available if needed. This should bother you.
We often tell ourselves lies like "I'm just being Christian and showing acceptance, compassion, or love by staying in this relationship." You may also think, "But I really love these people… Jesus modeled that we should love people." These are sly lies from the depths of Satan. You are using compassion or love as an excuse for inaction. You are lying to yourself. This is not about your friends… it is about you. Never confuse compassion and wisdom. They do not compete with each other. Compassion should never require you to make an unwise decision for yourself.
Intentionally drawing back from these relationships can be the most loving and compassionate action you ever take. The best thing you can do in life is stay on the correct side of the guardrail. This is where you model Christ's heart. When people crash or when "crap" hits the fan your friend will probably run to you first. You will be the "go-to person." It is in these moments where we have true opportunities to witness with extraordinary wisdom, compassion, help, insight, and love. By withdrawing from the relationships, you allow yourself to be healthy and ready for these opportunities.
Champions, have a great week!-David Vining
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