What To Do With the Gaps

What To Do With The Gaps

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is 1 Corinthians 13:7  Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

In every relationship and especially in romantic relationships at some point there is going to be a gap between what we expect and how people behave.  In every one of these gaps we either choose to believe the best or assume the worst.  What determines what you put in the gap is what you see (they haven't done what they said that they would do), but the other thing that drives what you put in the gap is who you are and what you've experienced-your hurt, pain, joy, what you saw growing up, what you've experienced in previous relationships, your fear of being abandoned, of being on your own, whatever it might be.

Where do you naturally go?  Have you and your spouse gotten into a cycle where you go negative with each other?  When you choose to assume the worst even if there is a lot of history to back it up, you have contributed to the demise of your relationship.  You are a participant even when it seems to be justified or that there is a history.  Every time you go here mentally that gets expressed in your attitude, tone, response, text or email, you contribute to the demise of your love relationship. 

Let me tell you something about the person that you love.  The last thing they want to do is disappoint you.  I don't care how bad the relationship or history is.  No one wants to disappoint the person that they are in a relationship with.  When you go negative it communicates that no matter what you do or how hard you try you will never measure up.  One of the most powerful things that you can do when there is a gap is to communicate that you haven't disappointed me.  Fill the gap by believing the best.  When you choose to believe the best and communicate that even when there is a pattern of your partner not being everything you think they should be, you create margin in the relationship.  A healthy person responds to that margin and begins to move into your direction. 

Acceptance leads to influence.  We close down around rejection, and we open up when we feel accepted.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining