Submitting

Submitting

 

Dear Champions,

 

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the scripture is in the excerpt.

 

Mutual submission is the most powerful relational dynamic that there is.  It means, “I’m here for you, and you’re here for me.  I want to defer to you your happiness and to what you need, and you want to defer to me and my happiness and to what I need.  I want to submit my authority, power, resources and time to the happiness for my partner, and she wants to do the same for me.”  Both people are submitting to each other. 

 

Jesus modeled this, and his disciples wrote about this after he left.  Ephesians 5: 21 says Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  This is actually his set up for his talk on how Christian marriage works.  Then he gets into specifics which get people into trouble when taken out of context.  He gives wives a specific, and he gives husbands a specific. 

 

Ephesians 5:22 says Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  Husbands love this verse.  The problem is that it was written to wives.  So whenever a man brings this verse up, I tell him that it was not written to him.  He goes on and speaks to husbands.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  That’s a really high standard because Jesus died for the church.  Wives love this verse, but it’s not written to them. 

 

When husbands and wives go to back to the previous verse where they are to submit to each other, when they understand that the goal isn’t to power up, this is the most powerful relationship dynamic.  Mutual submission is to take my time, resources, and talent and to submit to my partner, and she to me.

 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

 

Success is Intoxicating

Success is Intoxicating

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the scripture is Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

You always have something working against you when making personal decisions: you. Personal decisions are emotional, and emotionally charged environments aren’t ideal for decision-making. Your emotions make the obvious less obvious. This is why you’re probably better at managing someone else’s money than your own. It’s why you know exactly what your neighbor needs to do about his marriage, but have no clue how to improve your own. It’s why your kids baffle you, while a complete stranger’s kids just need a good spanking.  When it comes to making decisions, we have a real problem. It’s next to impossible to hear the voice of wisdom when emotions are raging.

Success is intoxicating.   If you are super successful, after a while people in the world will think that you are smart about everything.  Have you ever been in a room where there is a super rich person?  If you are a man, you are like the prettiest girl in the room.  Everybody knows that you are there, and they think that you are way more handsome than you actually are because money makes you better looking.   Have you ever stood in a group or a little posse around a super wealthy or well known person?  Have you noticed that everything they say is true?  Everything that is kind of funny is real funny.  Every piece of advice everybody is eagerly listening to.  What happens is that people come around super successful people, and they intoxicate them even more.  It’s very difficult to survive success.  After a while if you will begin to think you know a lot about everything.  So why in the world would you seek advice about anything?  If you are super or even marginally successful or if you’re recognized in your field or industry as being successful, you’re inclination will begin to think that since I know a lot about this, I ‘m kind of an expert on all matters.  You will naturally resist outside input, and you will resist feedback and council.  You will really resist going to a counselor.

You were born into community, and you need community.  You have two ears and one mouth for a reason, and the only way for you to emerge from your inadequacy is to invite someone into your area of weakness with you and to learn to listen.  Wise people seek counsel. That’s why they are wise. Wise people know they don’t know all they need to know. So, they find people who know. Wisdom isn’t knowing everything. It’s knowing what you don’t know and going to those in the know for the input you need.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

 

Just Follow

Just Follow

 

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is Matthew 9:12-13 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

 

No matter what you believe or how you behave, Jesus invites you to follow him . . . and if we look closely, we make some very interesting discoveries:

 

First, being a sinner doesn’t disqualify you from following Jesus; it’s actually a prerequisite. The only people Jesus invited to follow him were sinners. In fact, they were often the worst of the worst. The better a person was, the less he was able to even understand Jesus because he kept inviting the most unlikely characters to follow.

Second, being a nonbeliever doesn’t disqualify you from following Jesus. Do you realize that nobody who followed Jesus in the first century initially thought he was the Son of God? They were all unbelievers in that regard. Some people thought he was just a nice guy who had some interesting things to say, while others thought he was a good teacher and were intrigued by the miracles he performed. Nobody really understood who Jesus was, but all were invited to follow.

Third, Jesus’ invitation to follow is not a religious invitation. The message of religion has always been, Change your behavior and you can join us. But Jesus’ message was, Join us and you will change. There’s a huge difference.  Jesus invited people to get close to him, to watch him, to listen to him . . . to simply follow him. Because of their proximity to Jesus and their relationship with him, people began to change.

 

During his time on earth, Jesus continually reached out to sinners, doubters, and nonreligious people. The same is true today. No matter what you believe, no matter how you behave, Jesus invites you to follow him.

 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

 

More Dating Advice From Andy Stanley

More Dating Advice From Andy Stanley

 

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the scripture is Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

 

When you’re dating, postpone the physical of your relationship as long as possible.  I’ve never heard anyone say to me, “I think our relationship would have been better and healthier if we had gotten physical faster.”  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard people say that they got physical too quick.  By physical, I’m not even talking about sex.

 

Avoid living together.  Look at the research.  There is no evidence at all that living together prepares anyone for marriage.  The opposite is true.  Couples who live together have a far higher chance of divorce.  The individual that has lived with two or three people, it is almost a 0 percent possibility for them that their first marriage will last.  I understand this about statistics.  It’s only important if it supports that which you are currently doing.  No one ever makes relationship decisions based on statistics because you think that you are going to be the exception.  However, living together is not a path to happily ever after. 

 

Non Christians, don’t date a Christian unless you plan to become one.  When a Christian dates a non Christian they do not accept you the way that you are.  They want you to become a Christian.  As a non Christian you would be better off finding an honest pagan because they will accept you just the way that you are.  If you marry them, they are going to want to find a church, and then when you have a kid they want your kids raised in church.  If they are sleeping with you, it’s even worse because now you are dating a Christian who is a hypocrite.  You don’t like hypocrites, and you are in love with one.  It’s just a mess!

 

Get involved with your local church.  I meet couples all of the time that started volunteering at their local church, and then they meet somebody whose flow is in the same direction.  In serving you are more likely to find the people whose lives and lifestyles are in synch with the ones that you are trying to establish.  If you go to the right places, the chances are likely that you will meet the right people. 

 

No matter what you’ve done wrong or how you may have messed up in the past, going forward, you get to get it right.  You get to make decisions now that will enable you to stand at the altar and say “I do” and be able to keep that promise.”  Do the difficult work of becoming a whole person in order to become someone worth pursuing, winning and loving. 

 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

 

Dating Assignments For Singles

Dating Assignments For Singles

 

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is Proverbs 22:7 The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.

 

Commit now to becoming someone that can keep their commitments later.  Here are two very specific single people assignments so that when you make a commitment later, you’ll actually be able to keep your promise. 

1.      Ladies, don’t dress like a commodity, and don’t put up with being treated like one.  When you are dating, if you get in the habit of being treated like a commodity, your husband is going to do the same thing after marriage.  If he dated you like a commodity, then he is going to treat you like a commodity.  Have no tolerance for this.  A fisherman determines what to bait his hook with by what he is fishing for.  If you fish with your body, then you are going to catch body snatcher every single time. 

2.     Get out of debt.  We don’t recommend that people get married until they get out of debt.  You can get out of debt a lot quicker as a single person than as a married person.  If you are a single person who has so poorly managed your finances that you have debt, when you get married, that’s a behavior that you are carrying into marriage.  If he loves you, then he will move in with Momma to get out of debt in order to marry you. 

Marriage was not designed to solve any problems.  In marriage, generally the great things get better, and the bad things get worse.  If you have a bad habit now, then you will have a bad habit and be married.  If you drink too much now, then you will drink too much then.  If you have a prescription addiction thing, a gambling problem, a porn problem, a shopping problem, a can’t stay out of debt problem, then it’s just going to get worse except someone will know.  To prepare to be able to look at somebody and say that I’m going to honor and cherish you, you are going to be the priority of my life, I’m never going to do anything to hurt you or harm this relationship, then break your bad habits now.  You already know what they are. 

 

Three more assignments are coming next week.  Have a great week!-David Vining

Dealing With The Past

Dealing With The Past

 

Dear Champions,

 

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is Proverbs 14:8 The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.

 

The second part of Proverbs 14:8 says that the folly of fools is deception.  That in and of itself doesn’t make a lot of sense but when you contrast it with this little proverb, here is the point.  Prudent people are constantly examining their ways, patterns, habits, behaviors, trends and flow of their life.  The fool, on the other hand, doesn’t pay attention to these things.  He thinks that regardless of my current habits or how my life has usually gone, somehow I think that I’m going to end up at a place where nothing that I am currently doing points me in that direction.  Somehow good things are going to magically happen. 

 

The simple believe anything.  I’ve got to warn you that when you fall in love you will believe anything and lose your mind.  The guy comes to her and says, “I know this and this and this is wrong with me, but if you will marry me, I will change.”  The prudent give thought to their steps.  When you look at a person’s steps you can tell where they are going.  Words, promises and commitments are almost meaningless.  It’s the past that is the best indicator of where a person is headed and where they will probably end up.  That’s true of who you date, and that’s true of who you are.  The past people choose trumps the commitments that they make.  When you look at your life and when you examine the life of the people that you are dating, the question is where have they been, and where are they headed.  The past is a better indicator than a promise. 

 

Commit now to becoming someone that can keep their commitments later.  You need to address your unresolved childhood issues.  If you attempt to build intimacy with a person before you’ve done the hard work of becoming a whole and healthy person, every relationship will be an attempt to complete that hole in your heart.  The number one thing that you can do is to become whole and healthy.  For most of you that means turning around and facing and addressing issues from your childhood.  If you don’t do this, those unresolved issues will be taken out on your spouse.  It is enormously important that you take care of this.

 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Promises or Preparation

Promises or Preparation

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is in the excerpt.

Every single Saturday couples take vows to get married that they can’t keep even though they mean well.  They overlooked a principle that all of us understand in every other realm of life, but when it comes to relationships we don’t think it is true.  Promises are no substitute for preparation.  If you’ve ever entered a long distance race you know all about this.  It’s one thing to sign up for a race, but it’s another thing to prepare for it.  If you are not prepared, then it’s a waste of time to promise that you will finish.  What determines whether or not you finish a long distance race is not the promise, but it’s whether or not you are prepared.  Everybody understands that, but when it comes to relationships people think, “I can promise my way past my lack of preparation.”  Just because you say “I do,” doesn’t make you able or capable, but it only makes you accountable.  When you are accountable for something that you are not capable of doing, you become miserable.  A lack of preparation cannot be trumped by a promise. 

I want you to prepare to commit so that when you make a commitment, you will be highly unlikely to marry someone that has also not prepared to commit themselves.  Your life will be moving in such a specific direction that anyone whose life is not moving in that same direction will be in such conflict with your values and way of life that you won’t be interested.  Perhaps they won’t be interested in you either.

A prudent person is a person that understands that all of life is connected.  What happened yesterday impacts tomorrow.  What I am doing today will eventually become my past, and it will show up in my future.  The wisest man that ever lived, Solomon, says in Proverbs 14:8 that the wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways.  Ways are behaviors, patterns, habits, and trends, and they are what makes us predictable.  The wise person gives thought to how they do and manage things.  The prudent person knows that the best indicator of my future behavior is my past behavior.  If I want to know where I’m actually going to be all I have to do is look back at where I have been and see what direction I’m headed in.   The prudent person pays attention not to commitments and promises, but they pay attention to their past.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining