Connection or Distance

Connection or Distance

 Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is thought provoking and is by Danny Silk from Redding, CA.  The Scripture is Matthew 19:4-6 Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

The number one issue that leads to divorce is that I have changed my goal from connection to distance.  As soon as I do that in any relationship there's really nothing that you can do right.  When my goal is distance from you all that you can do is feed my justification for keeping distance from you.  So I misinterpret you, I judge you, and I assign motives to you that are not true so that I can protect my distance from you.  That's why it is so important that we learn to take responsibility for our goal in relationship.

If my goal is connection, then I need different skills to interact with you and to create and protect a connection.  When my goal is distance then I have different skills because all of my skills help me create the distance that I need to keep myself from you.  Am I managing my goal of connection with you, or have I changed my goal to distance?  That is the number one killer of relationships.

No one falls out of love.  You just change your goals.  You didn't fall out of love and you didn't fall in love.  You choose love, and you choose your goal.  Love is not a big hole in the street that you fall in.  You might have been very attracted to someone and that felt fantastic, but you chose love. When you committed your life to somebody, maybe you didn't understand what you were doing, but that was a decision that you made.  You decided to eliminate all of your other options and put your focus on this one person. That's a decision.  If you didn't make that decision, that's a bummer for you and the person that you married because you didn't understand covenant.  

You choose love.  You don't fall into it.  You don't fall out of it, you choose out of it.  This makes you very responsible for what you do in a loving relationship.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

P.S.  You have to ask the question why one would distance him or herself.  It is a protective mechanism within each of us.  It is possible that some people have a valid reason to distance themselves.

The Number 1 Regret

Number 1 Regret

 

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the Scripture is James 4:14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

The number one most common regret by people in the last days of their lives shared to Hospice nurse Branny Ware of Australia is that I wish that I had the courage to live a life true to myself and not a life other people and culture expected of me.  Most people had not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made or not had. 

Our days are numbered, but we live as though we are going to live forever here on Earth. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it.  

Our time is limited, so we need to limit how we spend our time.  Our time is our life! 

Father, Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Our Time is Limited

Our Time is Limited

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley and the Scripture is Psalm 90:12 Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Branny Ware is an Australian nurse, and she spends most of her time in Hospice with people that are in their last days of their life.  She asked these patients of hers if they had any regrets.  She began to hear a pattern, so she wrote them down.  The second most common regret is that "I had worked too hard."  Every single man at the end of his life said this.  They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship.  Women also spoke of this regret, but many of them were from an older generation and had not been bread winners.  This means that if we don't learn to number our days that we will misspend our time and life and we will have a regrettable and avoidable regret.  When you think that you have all the time in the world and then you suddenly realize that you don't have all of the time in the world, you can't go back.  These are men and women that are numbering their days because they cannot avoid any longer that their days are numbered.

So what are you going to do with this wisdom you now have that comes with living as if your days are numbered?  What are you going to do with that when you look at your current schedule, pace and limits?

"But Andy, if I don't do as much as I can I will never make it."

What is "it"?  You better make sure that you have chosen the right "it" because you could spend your whole life trying to make "it" and get to the end and realize that it was the wrong "it".

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Mom

Mom

Dear Champions, 

On Friday night, July 5^th, I went to visit my mom in the nursing home.  I had gotten several texts that day saying that she was doing much better, so I was excited to see her.  When I got there I held her hand, and we talked.  Among other things, I told her how much that I loved her, and I told her what an amazing mother that she was.   I told her that her grandson and granddaughter, Sam and Rachel, had won the counselor dance competition at Camp Greystone the night before.  She responded that she already knew that because their mother, Pam, had already told her.  I noticed that she was having a hard time talking because her breathing was strained, so I told her that she could just listen and I would do the talking.

I reminded her as I had done a lot recently that the only way to get to heaven was through Jesus.  I shared Scripture verses.  John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."  1 John 5:11-12 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life."   Acts 4:12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved."  I reminded her that even though she was an amazing mom, that when she died, that the only way to get in heaven was by totally trusting in Jesus.  

I brought my ipad so I played a handful of my favorite Christian songs.  How Beautiful by Twila Paris, I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me, Hold Me Jesus by Rich Mullins, God of Wonders by Mac Powell & Daneille Young, Above All by Michael W. Smith, Breathe also by Michael W. Smith, In Christ Alone by Brian Littrell, Testify to Love by Avalon, Untitle Hymn (Come to Jesus) by Chris Rice, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing by Chris Rice.

Finally, I prayed with her.  In my prayer I asked God to give her more of His Holy Spirit (Luke 11:13), and I heard Mom whisper back, "more of your Holy Spirit."  I asked God to heal her body among many other things, and then it was finally time to close and say goodbye.  I kissed her on the forehead and told her that I loved her and would be back the next night.  She said that she loved me too

The next day around noon I received a message to call my wife, Beth.  She told me that my mom had just passed away.  I had no expectation that she would tell me that.  I guess that I'm never ready to say good-bye to someone that I love so deeply. 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

If I'm Secure in Christ

If I'm Secure in Christ

 

The first two paragraphs are by Tim Keller of New York City, and the rest I completed.  The Scripture is 1 Corinthians 3:11 For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 

The Christian singles at Redeemer really aren't that different than everybody else in Manhattan.  In most of Manhattan the men wouldn't even think about dating any woman who is overweight or any woman who is not really good looking, and the women would not even think about dating any man who is not on a pretty good looking career track.  It's no different inside the church than outside the church. 

Do you know why the average Christian single cannot bear to even think about looking at somebody with wonderful character and deep spirituality but who really isn't very cool, polished or good looking enough.  It's because their self-esteem can't handle dating somebody like that.  It is one thing to experience God's grace, but it's another thing to look at people differently through the lens of God's grace.  When you do this, you view social reality different (end of Keller excerpts).

If I'm insecure, then my spouse has to be perfect.  I tell her that she needs to work out and eat right and be a certain size.  I explain that it is for her health.  The real reason is that I need her to look good in order to make me look good.

If I'm insecure, then I push my children to be the best athlete/musician/scholar, etc.  You have to practice and practice and practice.  I tell them it is for their own good.  However, it is not be about them.  The better they look, then the better I look.

This "if I'm insecure" list is endless.  However, if I'm secure in Christ and my foundation is there, then maybe I can love others more like Jesus. 

 Acceptance leads to influence.  We close down around rejection, and we open up when we feel accepted and loved no matter our performance or behavior.

 Champions, have a great summer!-David Vining

Blessed Are Those Who Hunger and Thirst

Blessed Are Those Who Hunger and Thirst

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Susan Neder, and the Scripture is Matthew 5:6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

True hunger and thirst are a matter of life and death and reveal deep and profound needs.  They are cravings which don't end unless they are satisfied.  In spiritual well-being, hunger and thirst for righteousness are the same thing:  A real need which must be satisfied if we are to be healthy.  A characteristic of a child of God is this craving which must be satisfied.

We can be invited to a banquet with all of our favorite foods but have no appetite for them if we eat a lot of junk food just before the banquet.  Likewise, we can lose our appetite for Christ if our lives are too busy for Him or if we feed our mind with spiritual junk food and unwholesomeness. 

Looking at life in America today reveals great driving hungers, a restlessness, always looking for something else, something more, something that will satisfy, something that will entertain.  There is a sense that something is missing even when things are going well.  The deepest things of this life do not satisfy because they weren't created to satisfy us.  We were created to be satisfied completely by a relationship with the one who made us.

We could talk for days about what righteousness is, but basically it means being like Jesus.  If we are truly hungering and thirsting after righteousness, after God Himself, He promises that we will be given what we desire.  We will never fill ourselves with righteousness.  Instead, it comes in a very different way.  Our hungering and thirsting is satisfied in the person of Jesus Christ alone.

If we hungering and thirsting after this righteousness, it will show.  People who really want something always give evidence of that fact  and do not just sit down, passively waiting for it to come.  They actively pursue what they desire.  The more we are filled with Him by meeting Him in prayer and in the Bible, the more we hunger and thirst for more of Him, never having enough because He is so wonderful. 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Blessed Are the Meek

Blessed Are the Meek

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is mainly by Susan Neder with a little help from Tim Keller, and the scripture is Matthew 5:5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Many people connect meekness with weakness, but meekness refers to power under control. It is used of a spirited animal who is trained to obey a command.  Think of a wild horse that has been bridled.  His power is still there, but it is being channeled by another.  After it has learned to accept its master's control, it is able to race more powerfully than ever.  For us, this means a submitting of all that we are to the leadership of the Holy Spirit who lives within us.

From Tim Keller:  I know all kinds of people who say, "I'd like to become a Christian, but does that mean that I have to drop my girlfriend because she is not real big on faith?  Does this mean that I'm going to have to spend less money on myself because I really like this and that sort of activity?  I'd like to become a Christian, but do I have to do this and this and this?"  They are saying.  "I'd like to give God the Lordship of my life as long as I can stay in control."  Ultimately, after all of the thinking, at some point you're going to have to say, "I don't even know what it's going to bring into my life, but because Jesus has done so much for me, I give up the Lordship and control of my life.  I am no longer the Lord of my own life, but I am the servant." (End of Keller Quotes)

Meekness accepts God's dealings with us as good, so we accept them without rebelling or resisting.  It refers not to just outward behaviors but to an inward condition of our hearts and minds.  At its root, it is a trusting and submissive attitude toward God.  Therefore, true meekness musts spring from who we think God is, and how He expresses that toward us.  Unless we know Him as good, loving, forgiving, and seeking only the best and highest for us, how can we trust him?

Jesus describes Himself as meek.  He was not meek because He couldn't help Himself, but He chose to place Himself in trusting submission to the authority of His Father.  He said, "My food is to do the will of Him Who sent Me and to accomplish His work."  I do nothing, but what I see my Father doing." 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining