For Intimacy, Monogamy Matters

For Intimacy, Monogamy Matters

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Andy Stanley, and the scripture is 1 Corinthians 6:18-19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Cassette tapes are obsolete. Monogamy is more like an endangered species-something to be fed and protected.  The value a culture places on monogamy determines the welfare of its women and children. Women and children do not fare well in societies that embrace polygamy or promiscuity. In the majority of cases, sexual freedom undermines the financial freedom of women. Sexual freedom eventually undermines the financial and emotional security of children.

If we are only biology, none of the above really matters. All's well that ends with the survival of the species. If we are only biology, monogamy was probably a flawed concept from the start. But very few of us live as if we are only biology.  As a pastor, I've officiated my share of weddings and I've done my share of premarital counseling. I always ask couples why they are getting married. Survival of the species never makes the list.

We desire intimacy—to know and to be fully known without fear. Intimacy is fragile. Intimacy is powerful. Intimacy is fueled by exclusivity.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Male & Female Gifts

Male & Female Gifts

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Tim Keller, and the scripture is Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Little boy babies, when they come to an obstacle, they want to push it over.  Girl babies, when they get next to an obstacle, they want to go around it.  Boy babies prefer lower complexity of stimuli.  Girl babies prefer higher complexity of stimuli.  At six months old, when girl babies hear jazz, their hearts start beating faster, and boy babies just ignore it.  It's a proven fact.  There are differences.  In Carol Gilligan's book, In A Different Voice, research has shown that men see themselves maturing as they separate and become independent and make impact.  Women see themselves maturing as they attach themselves, as they become interdependent.  Men, therefore, have the gift of independence, and women have the gift of interdependence. 

For men, the gift of independence has a tendency to become tyranny.  The female gift of interdependence has a tendency to become dependent.  In Genesis 3 after Adam and Eve rebel against God, God says to Adam, "You will sweat and work in the dust of the ground and thorns and thistles will come up."  And then He says to Eve, "You will have pain in childbearing and your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you." 

When God curses humanity, He curses different aspects.  When He curses Adam, He curses his work.  He says, "Your need and your desire to have an impact on the world, to be independent, to achieve, to have impact, is going to become an idol.  It's going to become too important to you, and you will always be frustrated because it will never give you what you want."  He turns to the wife, and He curses her relationships.  He says, "You will want your husband desperately, but your husband will rule over you."  The teaching is that the wife's interdependence gift under the influence of sin will trip her up.  She will become a dependent person.  The husband whose independent gift is now under the influence of sin, instead of being an independent person, he will be a tyrant and will rule over her and master her.  When masculinity and femininity go bad, the independence becomes tyranny and interdependence becomes dependence.  The Bible teaches that under the influence of sin men will tend to oppress women, and women will tend to make it easy for them. 

Men and women in marriage are supposed to learn to submit to one another.

 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Sheep

Sheep

Dear Champions,

 

The short excerpt is by Tim Keller, and the scripture is in the excerpt.

 

A sheep is a stupid animal, and they follow one another and lose their direction continually in a way that cats and dogs do not.  But even when they are found they are never happy to be found.  It is extremely difficult to round up a lost sheep and bring it home unless you have a dog to scare it.  The lost sheep rushes to and fro so that even when you find it, you must seize it, cast it down, tie its four legs together, put his hind legs together, put it over your shoulder and carry it home struggling.  The sheep never feels loved when it's being loved.  They never feel safe when it's being made safe.

 

In John 10 Jesus says, "I am the good shepherd.  The hired hand when he sees the wolf coming; he abandons the sheep and runs away, but I lay down my life for the sheep."  Jesus is the only shepherd who became a sacrificial lamb.  Behold the lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world.  Here's what Jesus is saying to you.  "I am the good shepherd.  I lost my glory, my Father, and my life, so that I wouldn't lose you."  There's no better way to intimacy with God than to have something horrible happen in your life that makes you really doubt God's love and go to Him anyway and say, "By God's grace, Thy will be done."  When it's hard, pray anyway.  When it is hard, obey anyway.  When you feel like you are being ceased and thrown unto the ground, just say, "Thy will be done," and it'll push you into an intimacy that you never had because you'll have to get to know Him as a shepherd.  If you've been wounded and you say, "Lord, I want you to heal me," but it doesn't look like you are getting healed, then there is only one way through it.  You must say, "Evidently God you want a wounded me in this world to do certain things and to be a certain person and to get certain things done that I couldn't get done unless I was wounded.  To say, "Thy will be done by the grace of God," is a way to intimacy.  

 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

 

We Need a Wedding Garment

We Need a Wedding Garment

Dear Champions,

The first 3 paragraphs of the short excerpt are by Tim Keller, and the excerpt is Matthew 22:10-12  So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, both good and bad, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.  But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. 'Friend,' he asked, 'how did you get in here without wedding clothes?' The man was speechless.  (the entire parable is Matthew 22:1-14)

There are many people who say, "I don't believe in a God who punishes people. I believe in a God who accepts everyone just as they are."  If you believe that, you're coming in without a wedding garment. 

 

Look at the evil and injustice in the world!  If we have a God who just says, "I love you all just the way that you are," what hope is there for the world?  The Biblical God says, "I will square everything!  There will not be one unjust deed that will not be paid.   It could be paid either one of two ways.  Either you will pay, or my son can pay."   

 

God does not just love people unconditionally.  He loves people counter conditionally, at an infinite cost to Himself.  You do not earn your place in the kingdom of God.  If you go right into God just as you are you will be thrown into the outer darkness, and there will be no joy in your life. 

 

Those people going in to the wedding without a garment thought that they were good enough on their own good deeds and works!  None of us are good enough on our own record!  Accept the wedding garment and follow Jesus! 

 

Champions, have a great summer!-David Vining

Being Honest in the Little Things

Being Honest in the Little Things

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is from Dave Ramsey's book Financial Peace, and the Scripture is Luke 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much."

 

Doug Parsons tells an interesting story about character.  One of the richest and most powerful men in America owned a huge company that employed thousands of people.  This gentleman pointed out an up-and-coming low-level manager to his upper-level staff.  This young man worked very hard and was very good at his management position.  The owner noticed the young man because of his work ethic and talent and commented that someday this young man would be a regional manager long before his time.  Sure enough, the young man continued to work hard and was promoted up through the ranks to the point that the next promotion was to be regional manager.  When the owner became aware that this promotion was to be made, he decided to fly down and personally give that young man the promotion over lunch.

 

The big day arrived and the owner flew in to take the young man to lunch.  But as the young man and the owner were going through the cafeteria-style line for lunch, the owner noticed the young man very deliberately hide a one-cent pat of butter under his roll so as not to be charged for it.  The lunch went fine-except that no promotion was given-and when the owner returned to his offices he had the young man fired.  Not only did the young man miss a several-hundred-thousand-dollar-a-year position, he even lost his job.

 

A close friend of mine suggested that such an extreme action was a bit severe.  Maybe he wanted the warmth of the roll to warm the butter, making it easy to spread.  Whatever the other circumstances surrounding the story, the point is that the owner understood that the young man's character flaw of dishonesty would be magnified under pressure.

 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

The Shepherd

The Shepherd

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Tim Keller, and the scripture is John 10:11.  "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

God works through people that the world thinks are failures.  The ultimate example of God's working in the world is from the only founder of a major religion who died in disgrace.  He was not surrounded by His loving disciples but abandoned by everybody including His Father.  Jesus Christ's salvation is a salvation that came through defeat, poverty, and rejection.

 

God is a shepherd.  If He was just a king, His salvation would be, "Here's the law!  Do it and you will live!"  Because He was a shepherd, He's got to come and fulfill everything for us.  He does it by sending Jesus Christ to live the life that we should have lived and die the death that we should have died and take the penalty for our sins.  The salvation of the world had to come into the world in weakness and defeat.  In every other religion it says, "Pull yourself together and be strong!"  Then say, "God, accept me because of what I've done."  But the gospel is to admit that you are not together and that you are weak.  You have to say, "God, you're going to have to relate to me because of what Jesus has done."  

 

The gospel message is that you are more sinful and evil and weak than you ever dared believe, but you are more valued and accepted and loved than you ever dared hope.

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining

Perfect Love!

Perfect Love!

 

Dear Champions,

The short excerpt is by Tim Keller, and the Scripture is John 11:33-35 When Jesus saw Mary weeping (because of the death of Lazarus), he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied.  Jesus wept.

 

Mary asks Jesus, "Lord, why weren't you here because you could have stopped this?"  Jesus can't even speak, but He just weeps.  Now this has startled me about this passage for years.  When Jesus moves into a situation like this He knows why it happened, the purpose of it, and He knows how He is going to turn it into a glorious manifestation of the glory of God.  He knows that in just 10 minutes or so that everyone there will be rejoicing when He raises Lazarus from the dead.  

 

If we went in this knowing that we were about to turn everybody's weeping into joy in about 10 minutes, then why would we weep?  Does it make psychological sense that if you knew that you were about to turn everything around in 10 minutes that you would be weeping and that you would enter into the grief and the pain and the trauma of their hearts?  Why would He do that?  Because that's perfect love.  Jesus will not close His heart even for 10 minutes, and He will not refuse to enter in the pain.  

 

Champions, have a great week!-David Vining